ll Be There Because I Want To
by allwalkfree
Summary: Chuuya is late and Akutagawa wants to go look for him despite Dazai-san's disapproval.
1. Chapter 1

Akutagawa narrowed his eyes, brows furrowing at the top of his forehead in what almost resembled worry. Ignoring Dazai-san's instructions to the others for a second, he scanned their surroundings for the fifth time. Chuuya-san had yet to show up to the meeting spot.

Biting his lip in thought, he tried to tune out the weretigers annoying prattling. There had to be a reason why the older male hadn't made it to the meeting spot right? He was most likely late. Still-

He couldn't help but let the unsettling feeling gnawing at his stomach fill his mind with unease. It wasn't like Chuuya-san to be late. And even if he was, he almost always let Akutagawa know in advance. Just as he expected the same kind of attention to detail from the rabid dog himself. Chuuya not being here meant that something could have gone horribly wrong, and Akutagawa was loathe to admit that he couldn't push down the overwhelming feeling of going after him clawing at his chest.

"Oi, Akutagawa."

That was Dazai-san. Snapping his head in the direction of his ex-mentor, he tried to focus back on the conversation that had been going on behind his back. Both the detective agency members as well as his own subordinates were looking at him with something akin to curiosity. Not Gin however. Her gaze was an entirely knowing one. He scowled at her. She just shrugged and looked away.

Stepping towards him, Dazai-san tilted his head in an almost childlike curiosity. It immediately set the port mafia member on edge. "Am I boring you Akutagawa-kun~," he singsonged, a hint of a dangerous glint in his eyes. Akutagawa swallowed thickly.

He would be lying if he said that at the moment his former mentor wasn't scaring him a little, so he just shook his head and calmly said no.

"Then why don't you try and pay attention to what we're all trying to figure out rather than stare of at the distance!"

The smile Dazai-san was sporting was outright terrifying and for a split second, it almost felt like being thrown back into those dark days filled with blood and pain and suffering and terror at the heels of this very man. Akutagawa tried his hardest to not take a step back. He refused to bow down to his former teacher anymore. Even if his limps shook the slightest degree, he stood firm. Somehow Dazai-san's smile softened a bit, and Akutagawa didn't understand why.

"I'm sorry Dazai-san," he muttered. "I didn't mean to ignore our mission."

"Of course you didn't." Clapping him on the shoulder lightly, the former port mafia member turned back around to the huddled group again and beckoned him over with his hand. It was a clear order to get back in line and stop making unnecessary fuzz.

Any other day and Akutagawa would have scrambled to do as he was told. Any other day and even the slight approval in Dazai-san's voice would have made him straighten up with pride. But-

"Chuuya-san is late," he blurted out.

"What," Dazai-san had turned back around again.

Biting his bottom lip hard, the younger man cursed at himself silently. _What the fuck was he thinking. Why did he even say that?_

"Chuuya is not always on time Akutagawa-kun~," Dazai-san said slowly. Voice right back to being condescending again.

Akutagawa glared. "I know that," he bit out.

"Then why are we talking about this again?" It was obvious Dazai-san didn't care at all about this particular conversation, and frankly Akutagawa could feel the humiliating stares of everyone around him burning into his back. His face heated up.

"He's never late for things like this," he gritted out. God knew why he still refused to back down on this. It's not like Chuuya-san didn't know how to take care of himself or how to get out of tough situations. But something deep in his gut was telling him something was wrong, and Akutagawa couldn't for the life of him let it go. "Chuuya-san might be in trouble Dazai-san."

Dazai-san's eyes narrowed in annoyance and the weretiger behind him widened in concern. "It's sweet that you are beside yourself with worry," Dazai-san said. "But I can assure you that Chuuya is very much capable of taking care of himself and you doubting him only serves as an insult to his skills. So if you could stop putting the faith of the city at risk for your own petty insecurities that would be appreciated."

Every word that came out of his mouth stung deep inside him, in a place Akutagawa had been sure he'd closed off long time ago. But now it felt like the scarred wounds were being ripped open with force greater than his strength and dug into with sharp familiar nails of degrading hatred.

Mouth dry and throat bopping with a sound he refused to emit, Akutagawa swallowed down the burning sensation of shame he was feeling and tried desperately to compose himself. Of course Dazai-san was right. Of course he was putting the whole mission and truce between both organization at risk, and of course he was being dumb and stupid as always, but-

"_We're family," _Chuuya-san had said to him once during one of his drunken moments. He'd put his warm finger against Akutagawa's thin wrist and squeezed gently before muttering over and over again as if he didn't think the younger man could hear him "We're family". It had been so honest and sincere that Akutugawa hadn't been able to breathe for a second. "You're drunk Chuuya-san," he'd whispered back after barely getting past the painful feeling in his chest. "Let's get you home."

"No," the other man had snapped. Face raising from the table and eyes locking him down in place while shining with unexpected clarity. "We're family Ryuu-chan, so count on me sometimes k?"

"Ok," he'd said. Eyes burning and lips trembling. "Ok."

-The next day he'd told Chuuya-san to count on him too. Partly because he wanted the man to know that he trusted him but also because he had desperately wanted to know if Chuuya-san remembered what he'd said yesterday. Remembered what he had promised him. So when the other man had smiled, ruffled his hair and put his beloved hat on top of his head, just to say "I know. We're family right," something deep within him cracked a little, and he found himself hiding his face behind his hair and that well positioned hat.

He hadn't cried, but Akutagawa remembered that he had never felt as close to.

_...Chuuya-san said they were family..._

_...Chuuya-san said he was counting on him..._

_...Chuuya-san said they were family..._

"I'm sorry Dazai-san," he finally spoke up. Voice soft, but steady enough to carry over to the group huddling at the corner behind the construction site. "But Chuuya-san might be in need of help, and I want to go."

Dazai-san blinked. "And if I say no?"

Clenching his fist around the phone in his pocket, Akutagawa straightened his back. "I would go anyways."

"Oh?" That dangerous glint was back in his eyes. "Decided to be someone else's lap dog from now on?"

The outraged look on the weretiger's face might have been funny if Akutagawa believed in that type of humour.

"No," he said. Fingers unclenching entirely. Because things couldn't have been anymore clearer for him now. Couldn't have been more honest. He wasn't lying to himself. "Chuuya-san is my family. And as you already know, I don't leave my family behind."

The_ "unlike you" _rang loud and clear between them, and Dazai-san almost looked impressed.

The funny thing was, that it hadn't been Akutagawa's intentions at all. Not leaving family behind always came down to Gin in his mind. He didn't leave her behind, so of course he wouldn't leave Chuuya-san now either. It was only natural. But he wouldn't try to clarify. Dazai-san could take it however he wanted it to.

"Go then," his former mentor said. "We don't really need you here."

It didn't hurt as much as he thought. Frankly the sense of relief he felt from those words was almost staggering.

Nodding at the group, he locked eyes with his sister for a split second before he turned around and walked away.

Chuuya-san needed him.


	2. Chapter 2

Akutagawa narrowed his eyes, brows furrowing at the top of his forehead in what almost resembled worry. Ignoring Dazai-san's instructions to the others for a second, he scanned their surroundings for the fifth time. Chuuya-san had yet to show up to the meeting spot.

Biting his lip in thought, he tried to tune out the weretigers annoying prattling. There had to be a reason why the older male hadn't made it to the meeting spot right? He was most likely late. Still-

He couldn't help but let the unsettling feeling gnawing at his stomach fill his mind with unease. It wasn't like Chuuya-san to be late. And even if he was, he almost always let Akutagawa know in advance. Just as he expected the same kind of attention to detail from the rabid dog himself. Chuuya not being here meant that something could have gone horribly wrong, and Akutagawa was loathe to admit that he couldn't push down the overwhelming feeling of going after him clawing at his chest.

"Oi, Akutagawa."

That was Dazai-san. Snapping his head in the direction of his ex-mentor, he tried to focus back on the conversation that had been going on behind his back. Both the detective agency members as well as his own subordinates were looking at him with something akin to curiosity. Not Gin however. Her gaze was an entirely knowing one. He scowled at her. She just shrugged and looked away.

Stepping towards him, Dazai-san tilted his head in an almost childlike curiosity. It immediately set the port mafia member on edge. "Am I boring you Akutagawa-kun~," he singsonged, a hint of a dangerous glint in his eyes. Akutagawa swallowed thickly.

He would be lying if he said that at the moment his former mentor wasn't scaring him a little, so he just shook his head and calmly said no.

"Then why don't you try and pay attention to what we're all trying to figure out rather than stare of at the distance!"

The smile Dazai-san was sporting was outright terrifying and for a split second, it almost felt like being thrown back into those dark days filled with blood and pain and suffering and terror at the heels of this very man. Akutagawa tried his hardest to not take a step back. He refused to bow down to his former teacher anymore. Even if his limps shook the slightest degree, he stood firm. Somehow Dazai-san's smile softened a bit, and Akutagawa didn't understand why.

"I'm sorry Dazai-san," he muttered. "I didn't mean to ignore our mission."

"Of course you didn't." Clapping him on the shoulder lightly, the former port mafia member turned back around to the huddled group again and beckoned him over with his hand. It was a clear order to get back in line and stop making unnecessary fuzz.

Any other day and Akutagawa would have scrambled to do as he was told. Any other day and even the slight approval in Dazai-san's voice would have made him straighten up with pride. But-

"Chuuya-san is late," he blurted out.

"What," Dazai-san had turned back around again.

Biting his bottom lip hard, the younger man cursed at himself silently. _What the fuck was he thinking. Why did he even say that?_

"Chuuya is not always on time Akutagawa-kun~," Dazai-san said slowly. Voice right back to being condescending again.

Akutagawa glared. "I know that," he bit out.

"Then why are we talking about this again?" It was obvious Dazai-san didn't care at all about this particular conversation, and frankly Akutagawa could feel the humiliating stares of everyone around him burning into his back. His face heated up.

"He's never late for things like this," he gritted out. God knew why he still refused to back down on this. It's not like Chuuya-san didn't know how to take care of himself or how to get out of tough situations. But something deep in his gut was telling him something was wrong, and Akutagawa couldn't for the life of him let it go. "Chuuya-san might be in trouble Dazai-san."

Dazai-san's eyes narrowed in annoyance and the weretiger behind him widened in concern. "It's sweet that you are beside yourself with worry," Dazai-san said. "But I can assure you that Chuuya is very much capable of taking care of himself and you doubting him only serves as an insult to his skills. So if you could stop putting the faith of the city at risk for your own petty insecurities that would be appreciated."

Every word that came out of his mouth stung deep inside him, in a place Akutagawa had been sure he'd closed off long time ago. But now it felt like the scarred wounds were being ripped open with force greater than his strength and dug into with sharp familiar nails of degrading hatred.

Mouth dry and throat bopping with a sound he refused to emit, Akutagawa swallowed down the burning sensation of shame he was feeling and tried desperately to compose himself. Of course Dazai-san was right. Of course he was putting the whole mission and truce between both organization at risk, and of course he was being dumb and stupid as always, but-

"_We're family," _Chuuya-san had said to him once during one of his drunken moments. He'd put his warm finger against Akutagawa's thin wrist and squeezed gently before muttering over and over again as if he didn't think the younger man could hear him "We're family". It had been so honest and sincere that Akutugawa hadn't been able to breathe for a second. "You're drunk Chuuya-san," he'd whispered back after barely getting past the painful feeling in his chest. "Let's get you home."

"No," the other man had snapped. Face raising from the table and eyes locking him down in place while shining with unexpected clarity. "We're family Ryuu-chan, so count on me sometimes k?"

"Ok," he'd said. Eyes burning and lips trembling. "Ok."

-The next day he'd told Chuuya-san to count on him too. Partly because he wanted the man to know that he trusted him but also because he had desperately wanted to know if Chuuya-san remembered what he'd said yesterday. Remembered what he had promised him. So when the other man had smiled, ruffled his hair and put his beloved hat on top of his head, just to say "I know. We're family right," something deep within him cracked a little, and he found himself hiding his face behind his hair and that well positioned hat.

He hadn't cried, but Akutagawa remembered that he had never felt as close to.

_...Chuuya-san said they were family..._

_...Chuuya-san said he was counting on him..._

_...Chuuya-san said they were family..._

"I'm sorry Dazai-san," he finally spoke up. Voice soft, but steady enough to carry over to the group huddling at the corner behind the construction site. "But Chuuya-san might be in need of help, and I want to go."

Dazai-san blinked. "And if I say no?"

Clenching his fist around the phone in his pocket, Akutagawa straightened his back. "I would go anyways."

"Oh?" That dangerous glint was back in his eyes. "Decided to be someone else's lap dog from now on?"

The outraged look on the weretiger's face might have been funny if Akutagawa believed in that type of humour.

"No," he said. Fingers unclenching entirely. Because things couldn't have been anymore clearer for him now. Couldn't have been more honest. He wasn't lying to himself. "Chuuya-san is my family. And as you already know, I don't leave my family behind."

The_ "unlike you" _rang loud and clear between them, and Dazai-san almost looked impressed.

The funny thing was, that it hadn't been Akutagawa's intentions at all. Not leaving family behind always came down to Gin in his mind. He didn't leave her behind, so of course he wouldn't leave Chuuya-san now either. It was only natural. But he wouldn't try to clarify. Dazai-san could take it however he wanted it to.

"Go then," his former mentor said. "We don't really need you here."

It didn't hurt as much as he thought. Frankly the sense of relief he felt from those words was almost staggering.

Nodding at the group, he locked eyes with his sister for a split second before he turned around and walked away.

Chuuya-san needed him.


End file.
